It seems that my friends desperately want me to get therapy.
I mean, I don't disagree. I probably need some sort of professional help. I'm not ashamed of needing therapy, either. But I am unsure how accessible it will truly be for me, particularly in the long-term. I mean, I only have three more semesters at my undergrad. I would probably have to rely on my college's student healthcare plan to get free or near-free sessions with a therapist. Once grad school hits, it's bye-bye to my therapist. Hell, if insurance wasn't an issue, me probably going to a different place for grad school would be a pretty big issue. I feel like the therapy I will get right now will feel fairly short-term if anything.
I can't exactly blame my friends either for worrying about me. All I've done is make them worry more and more about me. But I really hate the unequal relationship we have right now, and I feel as if though they are pitying me and babying me. In fact, it's not just that I feel that way; it actually is that way. After a rather long series of texts with one of those friends, they basically told me that they baby me because they know my life "can get better."
I don't know what my life would look like if it were better.
Why do people talk about my life as though it's bad? Sure, there are adverse experiences from my past, but my college life has been smooth. Spoiled too, if I may add. I get a room to myself, a door that I can lock, four different options for sleeping in my own room (bed, couch, floor, chair), snacks to keep me awake when I have to do work. I even get to buy orange juice and keep it in my own mini-fridge! It's an amazing life I have right now in college.
But perhaps I have yet to hear of a better drink than orange juice. Or maybe the past lives on in the future, and I have to get rid of my past somehow. Perhaps therapy will enlighten me on both of those matters.